Have you ever been distrusting of other people’s motives, especially when they say they want to help you? In today’s Breakthrough Experience, Jatinder Singh, who’s been part of our community for over three years, discusses his breakthrough of learning that there are people and organisations out there that do genuinely care about his success, not primarily looking to see what they can get from him. He shares how it enabled him to trust other people and understand why knowing his gaps is so important to believe he can achieve his dreams of building a global business.
As you read, have a think about…
- Where could not trusting other’s motives be holding you back from making the progress you want in your life?
- Where have you started to settle for less than you know you are capable of?
- How can an outside perspective help you achieve your goals?
Learning to Trust People & Dream Again – Jatinder Singh
One of the biggest challenges I faced was believing in other people and believing others could, and would, have my best interests at heart. I really struggled to believe this could be real when Lighthouse International said they could help me achieve my business goals.
I had quite a few experiences in my teenage years which lead me to believe that people are out for themselves and I had been let down by people who I thought were friends. As a result I resolved to not let people get the better of me and developed a ‘hard-nosed’ exterior to people. I was incredibly competitive and I needed to keep on telling myself that I was more successful and better than everyone else in order to have any sense of value.
The irony is that the more of a harsh exterior I developed the more isolated I felt and the more competitive I became. I felt so isolated at times and so lonely. By my late twenties, I resolved that the solution was in making money and set myself on a course of becoming financially free by making money in property. That way I would never have to rely on people!
On the surface things were going well, I started to accumulate property but I was losing touch with my humanity. Possessions were more important than people, even though I felt the loneliness. The irony is that the more property I bought, the more it was not enough. There was always someone richer, more successful than me and I hated that. By the time I was 30 I had more properties than true friends! (And trust me I didn’t have that much property!) I wanted things to happen faster because what I had wasn’t enough so I opened a business with a close family friend and his business partner. It was a disaster. To make matters worse, at the same time, in a separate business matter, I found out I had been ripped off by property developer who had done a runner with £30k of my money.
I was at a stage where I didn’t trust anyone. However I was still desperate to succeed in business. I came across an advert from LIG talking about ‘Mastermind Groups’ and an organisation that spoke about ‘relationships before money’. My response was, “Yeah right, pull the other one!”
However, I was intrigued and attended a meeting with one of the mentors, Clint. He spoke about the organisation teaching people how to ‘live the principles of effectiveness’. My response was, “So how much is this going to cost me?” I was deeply, deeply sceptical but the more I learnt about building businesses through a community of trustworthy people, the more it appealed to me. Something felt so different. It was all about character and integrity, not just how to build subscriber lists and make money. However my scepticism was still getting in the way. I still didn’t trust people and was looking for the catch. I still didn’t trust that anything involving money being paid for services could be genuine.
However everything I was learning made sense from a humanitarian and business perspective. I started to attend the Mastermind Groups and started to build relationships with the team and other people attending the Mastermind Groups. Their zest for life and genuineness blew me away. For the first time since I had been in the business world, people cared more about me than my money. Paying money for services was no big deal for me if I could trust that person. In fact one of the best decisions I had made was investing in a property course. It was the trusting that I found hard.
Putting my reservations aside, especially as I felt that I knew it all, I started to be mentored by Clint and later Shaun. This proved to be the catalyst for my transformation. I started to learn so much about myself that I didn’t know, and to be honest not all of it I liked. It’s not a lot of fun initially to realise that the things in life that had caused me pain had been my responsibility. It’s also not a lot of fun to see how I am often my worst enemy.
However that’s what I respected about Shaun and the team. They were willing to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. This built my trust for them massively. The more I learnt about my gaps and my weaknesses, the more I wanted to know. What’s more, I started to see that I could be so much more than I thought I could be. Ever since I was a kid, I had this feeling that I could accomplish amazing things. This feeling was starting to return. No longer did I want to have a successful regional business, I was meeting people who could help me to build a global business. I had something I had been lacking for a long time; hope and a vision that I really wanted.
My zest for life was returning. I closed down the unsuccessful business and decided that I would do whatever it takes to become that person I always knew I was capable of being. “No more ‘****ing compromising!” I told myself.
With my renewed faith in people because of the team at LIG, I threw myself into my personal development with their help, desperate to make the changes I needed to make in my life. Some of it was very painful and many times I have doubted myself. There’s always been a voice saying “who are you to be a global entrepreneur?” and at times I’ve wanted to quit. However Shaun has always been there helping me along the way. When you have had such a hard shell, the cracking can be painful. However what has emerged with Shaun’s help is who I want to be. Somebody who is capable of being trusting, kind and caring and despite my obstinacies capable of making a massive difference to other people. I feel that I have found the right path in my journey with Shaun and the rest of LIG after all those years of making wrong turns.
Defining My Breakthrough Lessons
By Jatinder Singh, Associate Partner, Mentor & Coach, Lighthouse International
We Trust Others When We Trust Ourselves – One of the reasons I didn’t trust others is because I didn’t trust myself. It was one of my biggest gaps but I had to uncover that in myself first before learning to trust others again. I was so competitive and angry with myself for “not being good enough” and for losing touch with who I was that I projected this onto so many people who have wanted to help me.
I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought I did and took little personal responsibility! Through a process of deep self-reflection and self-examination looking at the areas I needed to, Shaun and the team have helped me see areas in myself where I give away my ability to choose my response, because I find it easier to blame others. It’s been humbling to see how I thought I knew much more than I really did and as a result I’m able to close the gaps between where I thought I was, where I actually am, and where I really want to be. It’s so important to have good people like Shaun around me because they help me see things that I don’t necessarily want to look at.
I trust him and the guys not because they are perfect, far from it, but because they have worked through and are working through many similar challenges to me. They are some of the most committed people I know to their own growth, to people and to relationships.
If you would like to learn how Mentorship Coaching can empower you to build your own inner strength and trust in order to work highly effectively with others just register to speak to a mentor on this page or get in touch with your Lighthouse Introducer.
Sky image courtesy of Atilla Kefeli @ Flikr
Journal image courtesy of Joel Montes de Oca @ Flikr