From Random Stranger to Trusted Mentor – Amanda May
Why am I here?
I had a very unhappy couple of years, followed by a completely inert year. Before that I yo-yoed between happy and miserable. I can say that with better realisation now. But when I first bumped into my mentor Kris, I only knew that he said a few things which resonated with the vague urge I’d had for a while, to make some changes in my life.
I was still fully committed to denial, coping and procrastination at that point. But Kris seemed to want to do good in the world, and although I couldn’t see what that had to do with me, it seemed like a nice idea.
What has occurred so far?
My first impression looking back, is that if you had told me a year ago that I would be comfortable discussing emotional life events with a random stranger I’d started talking to on the street a few months previously (without the aid of at least half a bottle of wine) I doubt I would have believed you. And for me personally, the fact he was a ‘he’ and has won my trust, was surprising – and quite a feat of endurance on Kris’s part, if I’m honest.
It’s not that I need a drink to talk. More that I wouldn’t generally, with sobriety, have an intensely private conversation with anyone I didn’t already fully trust, and hadn’t known for a long time.
Now I look forward to thinking and talking about emotional topics. I hope to engage in more of this and with different types of people. I want to find more time to do so.
I’m just over a month into the Lighthouse Wants and Needs GAP Assessment & Analysis. I’d say that through writing the assessment, our discussions about the reasons I wrote what I did, and my mentor’s suggestions for ‘homework’, I’ve gained some miraculous insights into human nature. Some concepts, I was already vaguely aware of. But I was not very aware that I knew of them and I didn’t often act on certain instincts – probably out of a variety of fears.
There have been many more brand new concepts, which have opened my mind quite a bit. And I can see I’ve only really scratched the surface. This process could last a lifetime for sure.
When these ideas and observations have been spelled out and I’ve better understood them, I’ve found that life has started to feel less confusing, and my thinking feels like it’s been given an ironing out! Now all I have to do is remember to correctly apply this new knowledge…
How did this happen?
This leads me, with insight from fascinating concepts I’ve recently read about, to consider how this has come about.
What did my mentor do differently to other people? And why did intense chats with my friends and family, seemingly similar in nature, fail to inspire me to move forwards in life with anything much of merit?
And why has this felt like such a shock?
The ‘how’ was feeling better understood I think. This realisation made me sad initially, because surely this meant that no-one I thought I loved has ever cared about me back in the right way. But I don’t worry about that anymore. I still love them, so does it matter?
The male-mentor-shocker, was based on my past. I kept feeling there must be a massive catch in this, somewhere down the line. But once I was coached past this, and accepted the process was in my interests as a person, it got only easier to trust.
Talking with Kris has already helped me to stop ignoring problems, which I can see now, were gnawing mercilessly away from the inside. I suppose I knew this was going on, but I didn’t see what I could do about it before.
He has managed to convince me that he’s willing and able to give support as needed, as I have been looking back at my journey so far.
This was achieved through many things, but most key probably, was the listening with patience, persistence, passion, commitment, understanding, empathy, caring and then a LOT more patience and listening.
I still find it disconcerting when he picks up so easily on small things I can change for the better. Things that are so obvious when you can see them.
And the upshot is…
In a relatively short time, I’ve started looking differently at myself and my relationships with other people, and can already better prioritise my goals.
Fear, mistrust, judgement and confusion are starting to be banished. My mentor has encouraged me to make some seemingly teeny (but very important) steps forward in my life.
It’s a pretty amazing gift to be able to give a new hope to people.
I still don’t see the full picture of course, I’m not sure we ever do in life – but I do believe this process can clear the mist a bit and help me find the way.
I already want to share this feeling.
The biggest eye-opener was what can be achieved with some passion for your life and your time, and lots of effective listening.
I think my aim now is to open my heart to the world.
Hmmmm, that still sounds scary. Let’s not get carried away here.
I’ll have to come back to you on that one.
Maybe I still have a long way to go before I get to that particular goal.
But what I can see for sure, is that in this kind of direction, I will better enjoy my journey.
I’m keen to share ideas with those around me and see what that brings, as well as start to figure out what should come next in my life, and hopefully achieve more worthy goals.
I still have a billion and one questions. I know I still have a lot to learn. I have yet to settle on a final version of the initial parts of the written assessment. I’ve altered my drafts several times, and I think I need to start from scratch right now! This is not procrastination though – it’s because my view point is too different to what it was at the start.
Meanwhile I’m already working on some goals, doing things I’ve been putting off for years, and engaging more with everyone around me.
Thank you Kris and LIG.
If you’d like to learn more about the Lighthouse Gap Assessment to help you identify what you want and what is in your way in your life, career or business. Click here to learn more.
Also remember to check out our great blog on how we can often make ‘Mountains Out of Molehills’.