The dream was very precious and fragile at this point because it was something very personal and having tried once already to make it work and having failed spectacularly, it felt further away from me than Pluto.
Today that dream is now a vision. It is clear what needs to happen in order to make it work, who I need to build relationships with, why and when. Although there is still a large amount of discovery, planning and acting to do to make it all work beautifully, I am doing what I want to do with my life and it is coming together now.
So what’s the difference between now and then?
Love, care, belief, understanding, validation, encouragement, reassurance, motivation and a million other feelings I’m still learning to describe. These are the feelings that I was left with after meeting someone who extended themselves enough to meet me halfway. To bracket any disbelief he may have had and to listen; to give me psychological air, to put himself in my shoes and see the world as I see it, to literally ’step into my world’. When someone does that for you they give you permission to be yourself and drop the defences you hold up against the world, against the cynicism and cutting remarks that others throw at you because they are too scared to believe in themselves as you are doing. That is what cynics do, because they are too insecure in themselves to even be in your presence when you are leading yourself well and working towards a vision that you believe in.
My breakthrough started at that point, in that meeting. That’s when I started to believe that I was really capable of doing what needs to be done to build something of great worth. For me that’s a multi-billion pound engineering company, but for someone else that may be a promotion or to change the school system for the better. It started when someone truly cared and believed in what I am doing enough to want to help. I’ve learnt that it is this connection that everyone is actually searching for and the stronger these connections are, the more possible and indeed certain that dream, now a vision, is.
So what? (the age old journalist question!) What does this mean practically for you the reader and how can you turn that dream you have and are afraid to share with someone into a vision that will work and bring you the happiness you’re most probably looking for?
There are, as I see it, a few options;
1- Do Nothing
The easiest option perhaps on the surface, but I bet it is the most painful in the long run. Nothing burns as deep as the regret of what you could have achieved if you just backed yourself, believed in yourself and sought out people to help you.
2- Do Something
This is the one that everyone tells you to do in the popular social world. I’ve forgotten how many times I was advised; ‘you should go on Dragon’s Den’. Yes, but tell them what? ‘I’d like you to invest in me, but I’ve not invested anything in myself yet, so I’m asking you to take the risk for me.’ Be careful with ‘just do it’ advice, because how do you know you’re doing the right thing?
3- Seek Advice, Help and Support
This is what happened and caused my breakthrough. When I knew there were other people also building their lives, their businesses, going for their promotions and building relationships with their family, then I knew I was in the right place and that the help I needed would be right there. In a word it’s called community. Something that few people really have and even fewer know how to build.
Thank you very much for reading!
Defining Tom’s Breakthrough Lessons
– by Kris Deichler, Associate Partner, Mentor & Coach, Lighthouse International
So what are some of the things we can learn from Tom’s experience?
1. Clarity Breeds Confidence & Belief – You can see that Tom has learnt a lot and through that gained greater and growing confidence, certainty and most importantly – self belief. Tom is now getting clearer both in terms of what he wants, but also in terms of what he NEEDS in order to achieve what he wants – in this case his own engineering company. That is exactly why assessing our wants and needs, as well as the gap between us and acquiring those things is such a powerful starting point for everyone. Having that clarity empowers us and with that, the things we want to achieve – our dreams, start to become more and more of a formality. It’s a simple case of learning how to close our gaps to acquire enough of what we need to achieve what we want. That process is what Tom’s been going through and it’s what anyone who wants to be truly successful in anything needs to do, whether that’s starting their own company or even building the kind of relationship and family they really want as well.
2. Find Yourself a Good Mentor – Tom’s story shows just how much difference it’s made having someone in his life who can guide him and help him to believe in himself, to see the things that he couldn’t see and learn things he didn’t know he didn’t know. That is the power of having a mentor – someone who has the experience and the wisdom to pass on to us so we can learn faster and more effectively.
Whoever we might be, no matter how successful we are, when it comes to assessing ourselves we only have the one perspective, we can only see things based on what we know and what we have experienced, which will always be limited. That’s why so many successful people seek out mentors, people who can cast a wise, experienced and higher-level perspective on things. A mentor isn’t just a teacher, they have walked the path we want to travel ahead of us and can therefore help us to avoid unnecessary mistakes and learn lessons more effectively than we would have done ourselves. This often starts with the very simple step of helping us to see the potential we have in ourselves that we didn’t see before and that is exactly what Tom experienced here when first spoke to Warren.
If you’d like to learn more about being mentored to achieve your own goals and overcome your challenges you can learn more and register on this page…
Rocket image courtesy of Nan Palmero @ Flikr
Journal image courtesy of Joel Montes de Oca @ Flikr